Workplace Bullying Doesn’t Stop, It Just Gets Dressed Up

Bullying doesn’t stop when we grow up, it just gets better dressed. We’re talking about workplace bullying that hides behind job titles, polished emails, and “professional” meetings, the kind that leaves you doubting yourself instead of leaving visible bruises. If you’ve ever been ignored, excluded, overloaded with impossible deadlines, or watched your ideas get credited to someone else, this conversation puts clear language to what’s happening and why it hurts. 

We get personal about how bullying can show up even in HR environments, why some people don’t realize they’ve become the bully, and how these patterns often start with what we learn and observe as kids. Then we shift to the part that matters most: what to do next, how to apologize and change if you recognize your own behavior, and how to take your power back if you’re the one dreading work every day. 

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Transcript

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How Bullying Gets Learned Early

Adult Bullying At Work Defined

My HR Story Of Being Targeted

The Quiet Bullying People Miss

Gaslighting And Abuse Called Leadership

What We Model For Our Kids

Common Workplace Bullying Tactics

Apologize, Speak Up, Take Power Back

Queen’s Mission And Final CTAs

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Welcome to a Queen's Opinion. My name is Queen. My voice. I would say it was somewhere in your childhood as early as elementary school. At this same time, I would say you picked up this type of behavior in your household. Your big brother or big sister was being bullied, or they were the bully. Your father or mother was displaying bully behavior. I believe that as children, we learn from what we see and hear. We see how people are being treated around us, and we hear the words that people say to each other. And it is at this juncture that we recognize different behaviors displayed by other people. When we think of bullying, we normally think of children bullying each other. According to stopbullying.gov, the behavior of a bully must be aggressive, display an imbalance of power, and is repeated. In addition, the website stated that there are three types of bullying kids display, which include verbal bullying, social bullying, and physical bullying. The site goes on to say bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, and attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose. These same behavior types apply to adults, but we need to give these behaviors an adult analysis. According to SHERM, which stands for Society of Human Resource Management, SHERM.org, signs of bullying at work include excluding and ignoring people and their contribution, overloading people with work, spreading malicious rumors, unfair treatment, picking on or regularly undermining someone, denying someone's training or promotion opportunities, using social media to humiliate, threaten, or offend. I definitely was bullied in a previous job and I worked in HR. The senior manager held me back from promotions, overloaded me with projects, hoping I would fail and the projects will fall as well. My contributions were never acknowledged by the team or the department. I understood the feelings of adult bullying in the workplace. If the manager assigns the projects and determines the success of the project, they can impact my performance review and any attempt for promotion. This is the kind of bullying nobody wants to name. Because when we say bully, folks picture yelling, name calling, or somebody slamming doors. But adult bullying, workplace bullying? Oh no, it's quieter than that. It wears a suit, it sends emails, it smiles in meetings. Workplace bullying looks like being left out of conversations you should be in. It looks like decisions being made about your work without your voice at the table. It looks like your ideas being ignored until somebody else says the same thing louder, or someone with a different title in front of their name. And let me say this clearly: silence can be violent too. Being ignored is not harmless. Being excluded is not accidental. When your contributions are constantly overlooked, when your name is missing from emails, when meetings happen and you somehow weren't invited, that is bullying. Period. Then there's the workload bully. You know the one you're overloaded with projects. Deadlines stack on top of deadlines. No support, no resources, no grace, and the unspoken hope is that you will mess up, burn out, or quit. That's not leadership, that's sabotage. And let's not skip over gaslighting in the workplace. Let's not being told you're too sensitive. You took that the wrong way. That's not what I meant. But your body felt it. Your spirit felt it. Your confidence felt it. Bullying doesn't always leave bruises, it leaves doubt. It makes grown adults question their worth, their voice, and their sanity. And here's the part that people don't like to hear. Some bullies don't even realize they're bullies because they have normalized their behavior. They call it being direct. They call it high standards. They call it just how I am. I'm just like that. But if your leadership style requires someone else to shrink, suffer, or stay silent, then it's not leadership. It's learned poor, bad behavior. The same way we learned it as kids, we carry it into boardrooms, break rooms and zoom calls. And just like children, adults mask their hurt. We smile. We say, I'm fine. We keep showing up while feeling disrespected, unseen, and exhausted. So let me ask you again are you a bully or are you tolerating one because you've been taught to survive instead of speak? Because bullying doesn't stop when you grow up, it just gets better dressed. Are you a bully? Is this you? Bullying is learned from adults teaching our children this poor behavior through our actions and words. Our children watch every move on how we treat others, how we use our words to express our feelings. We even use our body language to communicate our actions in the situation. When we are displeased with a situation and react in front of the children, we are teaching, teaching them how to manage disappointment, how to manage scary situations, how to even manipulate. As adults, we are sensitive to how people treat us. We are just like the children masking our feelings of hurt, shame, and disrespect. No one wants to be called out in meetings or a group setting about an error in your performance. We all would prefer to be pulled aside in a private setting. This makes a person lose confidence and is seen as uncredible to others. According to Sherm, Society of Human Resource Management.org, there are 10 types of bullying where each one mirrors a childhood bullying behavior. Number one, public humiliation or professional shaming. Two, withholding critical information. Three, gaslighting at work. Six unfair discipline or micromanagement. Seven retaliation after speaking up. Eight backhanded compliments. And ten abuse disguised as leadership style. I wasn't fully aware of how often I was being bullied at work or the different ways I was being bullied until I started reflecting back over the various jobs. I know I was not the bully, but I was being bullied at every company I work for, from healthcare, banking, customer service, and yes, even NHR. Are you a bully? Is this you? Please tell me no. If you just realize that you may have displayed this poor behavior towards someone, apologize and change your behavior going forward. As the old saying goes, now that you know better, do better. It's never too late to learn and grow into a better person, a better friend, better co-worker, better manager, or boss. We all have fallen short at times. Now, to the person who feels anxious going back to work every day to face the bully, remember you have power. If we keep allowing others to make us feel small, unwanted, or less valued, it is partially our fault because people will keep bullying us until we take the power back. We can demand respect for ourselves, hold our heads up and speak up when we are mistreated and use our power to make change for ourselves and others. Remember, you are worthy, you are strong, and you are kind, you are smart, and most of all, you are powerful. Take your power back from the bully. A Queen's Opinion is a podcast that allows people, especially women, to think out loud about life situations and seek an opinion without being judged. This podcast is supposed to lift you up, encourage you to be the best person you can be, to inspire you to step out of your comfort zone and into your queen zone. I didn't say my opinion will solve your problems. I am not saying that I am right. But what I am saying is I'm going to give you another view of the situation from a distance. No more thinking or questioning a situation by yourself. Ask the queen. Go to our website www.aceensopinion.com and click on get in touch to leave your feedback or leave a question for the Queen. Don't forget to like us wherever you get your podcast. Thank you for taking time out of your day. I hope you join me for my next episode. Until then, goodbye.